Revelation of an Almost-Kiss
by Marcus S. Lazarus
Summary: As Serena moves to give Ash a final goodbye, her actions prompt Ash to realise something about himself he had never been consciously aware of. [One-sided Amorshipping, Pokeshipping]


Disclaimer: I own nothing; you know the drill

Feedback: Much appreciated

AN: I liked some of the ideas in the last few episodes of XYZ, but I wasn't wild about the fact that Serena kissed Ash in the finale; while she's a nice enough person, I just don't think she's got the right spirit to seriously attract Ash's interest, so I had to write this one.

Revelation of an Almost-Kiss

It had been one of his more difficult goodbyes, but Ash was glad that he had come this far after everything he'd been through with his friends in Kalos. The final confrontation with Team Flare had certainly been one of his largest-stake and most public battles he'd ever experienced, and he wished that he hadn't had to let Greninja go even if he understood why Zygrade needed the frog-ninja's help, but Team Flare had been defeated, and there was always hope that Greninja would return to him once all those root things had been destroyed…

Right now, however, with Bonnie having talked Dedenne out of its temporary breakdown at the thought of the group parting company, it was time for him to say goodbye to Serena before she left to catch her flight to Hoenn (he made a mental note to call Norman before he caught his own flight to find out where May was; his old Hoenn companion might be able to give Serena a few points on how to adapt to a contest battle style, even if she had the appeal angle fairly well-handled already).

"Ash, thank you," Serena said, looking at him with her usual warm smile as she stood at the top of the escalator that would take her to her plane. "I'm glad I came with you. You're the kind of person I wanna be. Next time we meet, you're gonna like the kind of person I've grown into."

"Awesome," Ash smiled, nodding at her in approval, privately touched that he could make that kind of impression on someone who was already as kind and generous as Serena. With that exchange, Ash walked up to the top of the escalator, watching with a smile as the Pokemon performer descended down towards her plane…

"Hey, Ash," Serena said suddenly, turning back to look at him. "There's just one more thing…"

As Serena ran back up the escalator towards him, Ash's mind moved with a speed normally associated with battle strategy in Pokemon league matches, her tone evoking ideas that sent images flying through his brain. Memories of thick purple hair that normally held a small dragon and blue hair hidden by a pink cap with a blue penguin beside it- both invoking the sensation of a brotherly desire to protect amid frustration at those moments where he just didn't get them and neither of them understood him- a brunette in a bandana who inspired the pride of a mentor guiding a pupil… and a short redhead with a distinctive ponytail, who could make him so angry and so protective at the same time, who drove him crazy in every possible way, who had bonded with his own Pokemon just as much as he had bonded with hers, who had stuck by him even when he was a complete idiot sending out a Caterpie against a Pidgeotto…

"No," he said, holding up his hands to grab Serena's shoulders before she could cross those last few millimetres once she reached the top of the escalator.

"What?" Serena looked at him in shock, pulling back from her attempt to kiss him.

"I… I'm sorry," Ash said as he stepped back from the top of the escalator so that they could talk without Serena being taken away, grateful that it was just Clemont and Bonnie seeing this right now but hating the pain in Serena's eyes at his actions. "I just… I don't…"

"You… don't?" Serena asked, her earlier smile now trembling slightly.

"It's not… _you_ ," Ash said, aware even with his limited experience of romance that this line was the biggest cliché in the book. "I just… I realised…"

"There's someone else," Serena finished for him, her expression mostly neutral even as she looked at him with a well-suppressed pain in her eyes. "Why didn't you-?"

"I… didn't even _know_ ," Ash admitted, wishing that the ground would swallow him up even as he refused to back down from this confession now that he'd started talking. "It's been a while since I saw her, and we spent a lot of our time arguing when we were travelling together, but she was there for me back when I was starting out and everything that went wrong seemed like the end of the world, making me see sense when I was dumb enough to send a Caterpie out to try and beat a Pidgeotto…"

"You what?" Serena and Clemont looked at him in surprise.

"You see?" Ash said, smiling despite how embarrassing it was to look back on those old mistakes, before he looked more solemnly at Serena. "The point is that I… well, I appreciate your faith in me, and you've been great company over this past year, but you've got this… _idea_ of me that I think I'd always be worried about living up to, but with Misty…"

He sighed sadly as he looked Serena directly in the eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't say this before, Serena- Arceus, I'm sorry I didn't _realise_ this before- and I'll always care about you, but… if you're looking for more from me…"

He shook his head as he looked at her, a sad smile on his face. "I already gave everything to Misty, and it's always going to be her."

It was the saddened understanding in Serena's eyes that hurt Ash the most.

If she'd lashed out, he could have at least told himself that she wasn't the person he'd come to know over the last year or so of travelling together and left it at that, but as it was, looking at her trembling lip as she looked at him, still showing so much compassion even as he basically tore her heart out, it hurt to know that he'd done it.

"And… Misty?" Serena asked tentatively. "Does she…?"

"I… I don't know," Ash admitted, before he smiled slightly. "But I… well, you have to hope, don't you?"

He had no idea if he should feel like a bigger heel for turning Serena down when he had no idea if Misty had those kind of feelings for him in return, but he had been honest when he had stopped her kissing him, and he was going to stick with that.

"Right…" Serena said, nodding tentatively for a moment before she swallowed and indicated the escalator. "Well… I'd better get going before I miss my flight."

"Right," Ash nodded back at her. "I… I'm sorry."

"I know," Serena smiled, before she turned and ran down the escalator, her shoulders shaking slightly as she reached the bottom and continued to run towards her departure gate.

Watching her go, the performer's shoulders visibly shaking as she clearly fought the urge not to cry, Ash once again hated himself for hurting Serena like that, even as he reminded himself that this was the only thing he could do if he didn't want to hurt her in the long term.

"You… you like someone else?" a voice said, prompting Ash to look around to see Bonnie standing beside Clemont, Clemont looking at him in confusion while Bonnie seemed to be about to cry. "But I thought… you and Serena were-"

"I… I honestly never thought about her like that," Ash said, crouching down to look solemnly at Bonnie; this was the kind of conversation that deserved to be had face-to-face with the little girl who had long been his most enthusiastic travelling companion. "Look, Serena's a great friend, and I've enjoyed travelling with all of you, but I honestly… until she almost kissed me there, I had literally _never_ thought about her like that."

"And this… 'Misty'…?" Clemont said uncertainly.

"My first travelling companion," Ash smiled as he looked back at the aspiring inventor. "She's the Cerulean City Gym leader back home, she's an expert with Water Pokemon of any kind, she aspires to be the greatest Water Pokemon trainer in the world…"

He sighed and shook his head as he looked back in the direction that Serena had just gone. "And I've never been able to go one day without thinking about Misty at least for a moment since she stopped travelling with me, but I went years without even remembering Serena until she reminded me about that summer camp…"

He looked apologetically at Bonnie as he registered the tears on the little girl's face. "I'm not saying I don't _care_ about Serena, but Misty…"

"I get it," Clemont said, smiling awkwardly at Ash. "I mean, I don't 'get it' in the sense that I've had those kind of feelings for someone, but I can… understand what you mean."

"And you… you never felt that way about _anyone_ after her?" Bonnie looked at Ash in surprise.

"People made jokes about me having… those kind of feelings for some of my other friends, but Misty… she was the only one who made me feel like it meant something," Ash said, smiling slightly at the memories. "I mean, May was more like my student than a potential partner most of the time, and Dawn and Iris were kind of… I'm not sure if 'sister' is the right term or not; we spent a lot of time getting on each other's nerves…"

"But you were still there for each other when it counted," Clemont said, in a tone that left little room for doubt even when he couldn't know the answer for a fact.

"She was there for me when I had nothing but a can-do attitude and a Pikachu who barely listened to me," Ash confirmed, smiling at his first partner before he sighed and looked back at the two siblings. "Well… if I've got time before my flight, do you think you could help me find a plane that will take me to Cerulean?"

It might be a long shot, but now that he'd realised how he felt about her, he wanted to talk to Misty as soon as possible, and hope that the fact that she'd left out of necessity rather than choice meant everything he thought it did…


End file.
